Fear is a horrible thing

Chris leaves tomorrow for work travel. For 6 years I have dealt with him being gone for weeks and months at a time. This time is different. Since our house was broken into I have been a ball of anxiety and stress. Im scared to be here alone, and ever noise freaks me out. The sad thing is we live on base. You have to show a military ID or be with someone who has a military ID or be a civilian contractor to get on base. I know that does not mean for a safe community, things can happen, but non the less I always thought it was safe.

 There is a part of me that is worried and scared, because as I said I'm not sure who broke in. So now with Chris being gone I don't see me getting much sleep. I can see myself freaking out at every noise. Even with Gracie my lovable golden retriever sleeping on the foot of the bed (a big no no according to Chris, but hey, he will be gone) who will alert me with barks if someone would break in, she would only slobber the person to death because that's the way she is. I will become a walking zombie over the next few weeks, which should make for a great fashion statement as I wisk the kids to swimming, and school and go to the grocery store.

I'm scared, I'm frightened and I wish I could ask point blank "hey, did you break in my house" but who is really going to admit that? I am thankful for the great neighbors who I trust and know will help watch my house while the hubby is gone, but still when people sleep things happen. I miss having an alarm system.

Yep, I'm so looking forward to the next few weeks while Chris is in LA. I will be the most tired, bitchy, cranky person around. I feel sorry for those who run into my path. Guess I better get over this fear soon because my husbands trips away wont stop anytime soon.

Good news/Bad news

So I had one of those good news bad news type of days yesterday. My parents left to fly back home to MN, and just in case your wondering that was the bad news. I know, over 3 months with your parents and you might think it was good news, but I was sad to see them go (though happy to get back to a normal life, well as normal of a life as a military wife can have at least) the good news was at 8ish in the morning I got a call from my husband saying he was on his way home. Its only for a few days before they fly him off to LA again from training but he is back, and I hadn't seen him in a few months so I was very, very happy. That is the good news. Just had to post and say how very happy I am!!!

Venting because I just want to vent

Why is it that I don't have an AC unit in my house? oh that's right, its not supposed to get hot enough here where I live. Yeah, that's why its been almost 90 for the third straight day, and tomorrow is supposed to be the same, and the day after that in the mid 80's. I'm sorry but to me that is hot enough to need an AC, and its not like this is a freak thing, three other times this summer temps have reached this high here, and the same with last summer. It may not always be super hot, but it still feels warm enough where an AC would be nice to ward off heat stroke. I mean we live in Military housing, wouldn't the military want to make sure they took care of their men and women in uniforms and their family's by providing them with an AC to ward off things like that? I guess heat stroke or fatigued from a long sleepless night in a 85 degree bedroom where you cant sleep because its to damn hot isn't worth caring about. I mean we live in old houses that haven't been upgraded in 10 plus years (or so it seems) we pay 1278 a month and we see no improvements at all, the least they could do is let us install a window AC unit or something, but no, unless there is a medical condition that's not allowed. Yeah, I'm a bit pissed about this, and we don't even get ceiling fans for Pete's sake, I mean if there is no AC at least let us install ceiling fans. I hate housing. I loved the letter we got from them saying they have more and more people moving into housing when there is a choice and they take that as a sign they are doing a good job. Hmm. how about maybe, just maybe its because its hard to buy a house lately, and most houses out here are small, and cost 300,000 or more and most people cant afford that. Maybe that's why people choose to live in housing. I have issues today, can you tell? Housing being only one of them.



Today was one of those days, after spending a fortune yesterday at Costco, and then another 300 at the grocery store and I still need to find the hard to find school supplies that most stores around here are sold out of because I live in a small town that isn't well stocked for back to school shopping it means more money out of pocket. Yeah, that alone is depressing. I can say I have a stocked fridge, freezer and pantry however, and most of Jordan's school supplies are bought. While we were walking into wal-mart I swear Chris's truck was there. Same color, same make, same style and even the same antenna topper. My heart jumped for a second with the though of "he is here!" then I realized that if my husband was back from sea he would have called me, and he would have came home before heading to wal-mart, another reason my day was bad, because I missed my husband so much today that all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep till he comes home, but that wouldn't be fair to my parents who are visiting or my kids.



I am looking to sign Hannah up in dance. 41 dollars a month, 1 hour a week. She loves to dance, and I know it would be good for her to get out and socialize since she wont be starting school till next year. They will both be going into swimming this next month too, and Jordan will be doing karate on base. None of it is bad priced, though when you add it up its a small pinch to what seems an already tight wallet, though I blame that on the economy then anything else, and why is it when we left MN gas was 3.55 and here its still over 4 dollars? Getting off track there. The point is the kids will be busy, as will I since I will be the one running them all over the place. They both are so excited, and I cant wait to see what they learn in their classes.



Speaking of my kids, my wonderful kids who I love more then anything. I had one of those days where I wanted to tell them they would be the cause of mommy having a heart attack. I know, that's not what mothers think, right? but today I did. I didn't say it, but I wanted too. They have been fighting so much lately and when other people (grandparents, uncles and aunts) are around they know how to work it to their advantage and get their way even when I say no. Today Jordan punched Hannah and I saw it but when I lectured him on not hitting his sister he looked me in the eye and said "mommy, I didn't punch her" he still denies it even though I was right their and saw it, but all because he wants to look good for Grandma and grandpa he will say and do anything to not get in trouble. He has the attitude of a teenager sometimes, stubborn as he can be. I'm ready for a spa day, a day away from the kids fighting and crying and fighting some more, the start of school cant come fast enough. See, now I sound like the worlds worst mom. I love them though and I know its all apart of the sibling ways and a normal part of growing up.

OK, so after falling asleep before posting, and it being almost 24 hours later from when I started this post I have much more to say. Like how I am hoping my husband has our new laptop. Why? well if he has it, it means it did not get stolen like I fear. Its missing, and Chris told me he would not bring that laptop underway with him because its new, and expensive, however he is a guy and he loves his laptop so I wouldn't put it past him to take it and not tell me. Even though Id be mad at him because again we have an older laptop that I don't care if he takes and he said he wouldn't take it and leave it for me to use Id rather it be with him then stolen, so lets hope Ill be yelling at him instead of talking to the cops over whats missing. Something else that's missing is our lawn mower. I know this didn't get stolen, more like my husband borrowed it to someone and now its gone, and it was a very nice, hardly used lawn mower that cost us more then 300 dollars. I don't mind borrowing things to people but Id like to know when they are being borrowed out, and to who and Id like to have it back within a few days. So where is my lawn mower, Id like to mow my lawn. Damn communication on a sub, I want answers! Last time we borrowed something to someone they broke it, lets hope that doesn't happen again. I have bones to pick with my husband, though I'm pretty sure happiness to have him back will delay the interrogation and lectures.

Also, I need a doggy door. 20 times in 30 minutes is how many times my dog had me get up and let her out and back in. To bad they cost a small fortune, well 180 plus tax and here tax is 8.6 percent and Ive spent all my money on food and other things a house and family needs to survive, its not a top priority so it will wait for a few more weeks, or until I get so sick of the in and out game I give in and go get one. The bright side, its some exercises for me the constant up, walk to the door and back over and over and over, especially when you add in the stairs.

okay, Ive vented, I feel better. Off to spend my time with my parents since they leave in a few days.

A no good, very bad day

Im back in Washington, and it was a hellish trip. Hellish in the terms it was long, very long. Ive done this drive before, this would be the third time actually, but it never gets shorter, or easier. the car was loaded down, and it was a tight squeeze. I was thankful for the stops so the days didn't get to long, though I was disgusted with the hotel we stayed at the first night. It was a Ramada inn, and it was so gross that if every other hotel in the area had not of been booked we would have moved to a different hotel. I booked hotels forever ago online. We were supposed to get 2 queen beds, non smoking on the first floor (because we had a dog, they knew we had a dog ahead of time) we got a smoking room on the second floor. The room was so bad smelling that we barely slept and it gave you an instant headache. The room was dirty, the bedspread had stains, and the walls had what looked to be spaghetti sauce on them, trust me when I say it was horrible. The hot tub was not hot and there were clumps of hair in it, and to top it off the girl who checked us in was so rude and had that "your bugging me" attitude. I didn't get why the Internet said it was one of the better hotels, because it so was not, maybe we got a bad room, but I will never stay at another Ramada inn again. Our second night was better, lesson learned. Sleep inn good, Ramada inn bad. Our third day we stopped at a rest stop that had prairie dogs. They were cute and there was a bunch of them, I think we sat and watched them forever. We stopped to see my aunt, uncle and cousin for a few days before heading finally to the Seattle area.

Now for the interesting part. I park in the driveway and notice that the neighbors next to us are parking in front of our house, nice huh? Then I walk into our courtyard to see empty soda cans, candy wrappers, ice cream wrappers and a big bucket of ice cream in my courtyard, and what was worst was the melted ice cream all over my porch swing. Needless to say I was pissed off. Then came the scary part. I opened up my front door to discover someone had been in my house. The TV was on, the xbox 360 was on, the control was on the table, a game case on the couch, fresh urine in the toilet and food wrappers all over my house too. This is when I notice that the front sliding door is open and unlocked as well as the back door. I also realize that the wrappers and soda cans upfront were from my house (the food was missing out of the boxes) I am assuming that who ever was in my house heard me open the door and took off out the back door. The good news is nothing major was stolen besides food that I can tell. several cases of soda are missing, the ate the candy stash and ice cream stash and pop tart stash, and that's all I can tell. I haven't checked to see if they have wrecked the PlayStation 3 or Wii yet, but I worry since they seemed to be in here playing games and who knows how long they have been doing that. I also worry they went threw our credit card statements and got important numbers. I'm just pissed off that living on base this would happen. Why is it when I want my husband here the most he is somewhere I cant even get ahold of him?

Speaking of my husband, the husband who was supposed to call the comcast to fix the connection, or change out the long light bulbs in the kitchen, or do his laundry and change the sheets and keep the house clean decided not too after all. Yep, that's my husband for you. I love him but sometimes I so want to scream at him because he frustrates me so.

And of course to complete the very long, somewhat bad day I went to costco to spend over 300 dollars and I still have to hit up target and the grocery store where I will probably spend another couple hundred all because there is nothing to eat in the house. Im ready for a good stiff drink now and my husband to come home because lord knows I miss him like crazy. I have much more to say, lots and lots more, but Im tired, Im sick (somewhere I picked up a cold on the drive here) and I need a good night sleep in a bed that is mine, so more on everything else when I can find the time to sit down and write.

Never thought Id say this but Im homesick.

I'm so procrastinating, but hey, whatever because I really have no desire to do anything. I miss my husband, I am stressed and all I want is to get back to WA, unpack and put things away and rest in my own house. Now not to sound ungrateful for my parents who let us stay here (two kids, a dog and myself for over 2 months) but there is something about your own place, your own time, your own stuff. You don't have to worry about overstepping boundaries and what not. So yeah I want to get home, but I know Ive already established this in another post so Ill move on.

I wish I could pack up the car already, but for some reason my parents are not packed yet, and my step dad insists he will pack up the car. Now I have traveled lots in a vehicle with the kids and dog and lots of stuff, and I know once he sees all the stuff he will probably get his undies in a bunch because there is allot, but how else am I supposed to get things home? He wants to attach most everything to the roof, which is fine except we will be stopping at a hotel for 2 nights and then at my aunt and uncles for 3, so I kind of worry about my stuff getting stolen, I mean my parents are way to trusting but I have heard enough horror stories from people who have moved and had trailers and uhaul's stolen while they were sleeping in a hotel, so me, not so trusting. Its bad enough I have all sorts of odds and ends on the rooftop carrier (toys, empty movie cases, more toys, shoes, and other assorted stuff) that I worry will get taken, but my clothing? yeah, Id rather be cramped in the back thanks. The kids wont be, but I will, so its my choice and I am fine with it. My parents will sit upfront, and they too wont be cramped, so they need to listen to me and respect my stuff and stop taking control, yes I sound ungrateful for their help in driving back with me to WA, but seriously its my vehicle, and mostly my stuff. See, already I can tell this is going to be a long, miserable, cranky trip. God help me. Where the hell is my husband when I need him? oh yeah, that's right, he is out to sea....

Maybe I should go back to bed and see if I wake up in a better mood. Next time I'm flying.

I am thankful for my parents help, I do want to make that clear. I don't want to sound like a snotty grown women or anything, its just this is so stressful when you travel, but add in traveling with other people and lots of stuff to somehow cram into a car is not fun at all. So again if I sound like a huge bitch I do apologize, and remember I miss my husband very much and all I want is to see him and damn it he isn't in WA where I can hug him, and kiss him and be much happier but instead out in the middle of some ocean where I cant talk to him, or see him, or even write to him, so give me a break on the criticism OK?


I just want to go home, I just dread the drive, at least next time I write Ill be in WA (YAY!!)

Handfuls of updates

Lets do some updates shall we...

Jordan starts school on Sept. 3. All his good friends have moved away from last year so he is not to excited about going back to school. That's one of the hard parts of being a military kid, you see lots of friends move away or you yourself will move away. Its the same for adults, but Its harder on him. I have all of his clothing and shoes bought, after spending a small fortune and having some serious buyers remorse on the 700 plus dollars I spent on clothing for a 9 year old I am now in need of a winter coat and school supplies, both of which will wait till we are back in WA. So why did I buy the clothing here, in MN? well to save myself the 8.6 percent sales tax we have in WA. Though now I am hoping and praying it all fits in the van for the ride home, God help me, please let it all fit or else we are in for a very cramped, long ride back and that is not something I want. Jordan needs a tong of school supplies, I guess it makes sense, the higher the grade, the more you need. I don't get the super nice stuff seeing as everything you buy goes into the community class pile and is distributed every day, so why spend 3 dollars on scissors verses 1 when Its not my kid who will be using them. Yes, I know, how mean am I? And of course I am still looking for a lunch box, and even though my kid really does not want a lunch from home he will have to deal because I refuse to shell out the 2.50 for a lunch that isn't even made in the school, sorry, but no.

As for Hannah who should be going into pre-k but isn't because the state of Washington doesn't have mandated pre-k like Georgia did means if I want her in a class I have to shell out big bucks, so this year I will be teaching her all the things she needs to know for Kindergarten all by myself, and may I add that since Jordan was in Kindergarten they seem to need to know a whole lot more now then back then? I am looking at putting her in dance class, she loves dance and needs the socialization, but that too we will see, it all depends on the price. I am so looking forward to her being in school next year, though it will be a shock. I mean both kids in school till 3:30 Mon-Fri. a house to myself, being able to go shopping or out to lunch with friends minus the kids (and the cost of a babysitter) I just don't know what I will do with the time. Hannah has developed this habit of going to the potty and as she flushes the toilet has to turn and wave to her poop/pee and say "bye poop/pee, have fun down there, Ill miss you" Ive gotten snickers of laughter out in public when she does this. I'm not sure where she learned it from, but hey, at least she is no longer afraid of the big potty and that's all that matters.

Ive mentioned the job offer Chris got in my last blog, and I am quite OK with the idea of moving there now. Living in the DC area would be very educational for the kids, and I have found a bunch of nice apartments on the metro line and within walking distance to the schools/shops so that means maybe, just maybe we can get ride of a vehicle and save money. As I said the apartments are pricey but huge, and lots have garages attached. We forgo a backyard, but even if we chose to live in housing we would forgo a backyard, and lots of space. So Ive even gotten used to the idea of living in an apartment. DC still isn't my first choice, but I know Chris would be stupid to turn this opportunity down, so more then likely off to DC we go, but not for another 2 years. Did I mention how very proud of my husband I am? To bad I cant talk to him. I should have been able to last night and tonight, but no, as life in the navy goes things change at the drop of a hat and because of those changes I wont be speaking to my husband for a very long time. The last call I got was a quick one saying "hey, I love you, talk to you in a few months" Trying to plan anything in the military is so hard and frustrating and I know that's the way it goes, but damn it, I wanted my one last phone call.

As for me, well nothing new. packing for the trip home, planning for the trip home, going over our money and freaking out on what we need to buy when I get home. Dealing with the kids, the dog, and that's about it. I have a list going of all things we need to buy and it just grows. So far it contains new twin mattress for Hannah's room since her mattress is way old. New dog kennel for our dog who outgrew the old one. Glasses for Jordan, Contacts for me. Groceries for the very bare pantry and fridge since no one has really been there in a few months which in itself will be a small fortune. The school supplies I need to buy. Yeah, it really does go on and on and its quite depressing really. There really never is enough money.

Its funny, how I go to Costco with a budget and never stick to the thing, spending usually way more then I intended. I think that's how they make their money. Just the other day I saw a three map wall set that I wanted for Jordan's room, and a great Christmas gift idea for him as well, plus many other things. Thankfully the thought of "I have to drive 28 hours in a car with a dog and 4 other people and have no place for that stuff" hit me and I refrained from buying anything (yeah for me, though I have a dreaded feeling I will be hitting up the Costco nearest us to see if they have the same things there and if they do then buy them spending even more money) to be fair the maps were very cool and very educational.

So anyway in 4 days I will be on my way back home, and life will get back to normal (somewhat, remember the missing husband)

What a day

My day has started off terrible. I woke up much later then normal, but still very tired. Like could barely lift my head. I noticed that my two children were still asleep, which is very unlike them and I was very, very tempted to go back to sleep, but Gracie gave me the "please let me outside" look and the poor dog is so damn cute I got up, fed her and let her out. By this time both kids got up and I could tell both kids were crabby, well actually crabby would be putting it nicely. So far all I have heard is "get him (or her) away from me" and them yelling "leave me alone" as a door slams and the other one stomps off. Yes, this is the start of my day, and its not even noon. It will be a very long day.

I need to pack. We leave early on Saturday for the long trip home to WA. Early is like 4am (pure craziness, I know) I should be excited to go home, and I was when Chris was supposed to be there, but now he wont because they decided to send him out to sea (how dare they!) and now I will have to wait allot longer to see him, which really sucks for me and the kids, talk about a let down (yes, we are used to this, but it doesn't mean it gets easier)

Speaking of my very sweet, wonderful husband who I love so very much. It looks like there is a very good chance that in the summer 0f 2010 we will be moving to Washington DC. Yikes, that's all I have to say. We knew we would be moving, hence why we have not bought a home like we so very badly want too. We also had ideas of where we wanted to go (and then where we could get sent) Great Lakes, IL and San Diego were on the top of that list, but now its off to DC a possibility I had no idea was even available to us. Its a job that has to be offered, and it was offered to Chris. Its not a job that just appears on a billet when choosing shore duty options and its a big deal, and Chris is very excited about this opportunity. Me, well not so much. Id love to live in that area, don't get me wrong, but its the cost of living I worry about. We would rent, and most places are over 2000 a month, so now if this is the way we go, we will have to fly out and search for a place that's nice and in a good area. However 2 years is a long time and allot can happen in those two years, so until he actual gets the job I'm not going to freak out over this move, or at least try not to freak out.

That's one thing I can say about my life, its never boring. All these new adventures and places to see and explore.