Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

I love wearing Ball gowns, I just hate shopping for them, oh, and paying for them seeing as a decent ball gown seems to be pricey. Lets not forget the cost of alterations, which I always seem to need since I am short and have barely any boobs to hold a dress up. Frustrating, Frustrating, Frustrating.

So why do I need a ball gown? well I am going to the Sub ball. The Submarine ball is a ball for, well the people serving in the submarine force and their dates/spouses. It happens every year and is a formal affair. There is dinner, drinks, dancing and all that fun stuff. I have never been. Always wanted to go, but my husband has had duty or been gone when the Sub ball happens so we just have not gone. So I am excited about the ball, just not about the whole dress thing.

Friday will be the first dress shopping day so wish me luck. I want to go for the princess look. The bodice type top with the puffy bottom. Usually I do the slinky dresses to command functions and want to do something different this year.

I did find a web site that makes dresses custom. You send them your measurements and they make the dress you pick out but it takes several weeks to get the dress, which means I may not get the dress in time. Plus who is to say the quality of the dresses would be good.

Why did I agree to go again? Maybe I will grow 2 inches and get some boobs before Friday, one can hope cant they?

Looking at the website of the place in town I fell in love with these three dresses (they come in different colors) however after getting all excited that I found three dresses I LOVED! I realized they were being clearanced out which means they probably wont have the color or dress I want in my size. I am very upset over this and I would so get in my car and drive over there however I have a sick kid, a cranky 4 year old and my friends son that I am watching for part of the day. I guess I can wait until tomorrow with fingers crossed. Did I mention I really loved these dresses?

You know the guys are lucky. Why us women are out stressing over dresses they don't have a thing to worry about because they wear their dress uniforms. Sometimes it sucks to be a girl

Just a bit for now

I hardly every write about me. I mean in the sense of really describing you I am. Obviously I am a military wife, a mom of two. A dog owner, but that is about it. So I decided to slowly and over the course of the next few weeks really try to do just that, describe who I am.

First off I am shy. I don't recall every being this shy. I mean in College I was more talkative and out going, and same in the work force, but now, and maybe all along I have been so shy that I come off rude, or mean or snobbish because I am so quite. I try to be more outgoing, more talkative and to be braver with initiating conversations and such but its like I go all numb. I want to contribute to a conversation or say something witty but my voice gets stuck in my throat. There are very few people who see the real me where I am silly, and outgoing and loud and hyper and not afraid to say anything on my mind and it takes me a really long time to get that way with people. Its harder now that I move around so much, or I am always saying goodbye to friends who I meet and then they move away to let people in. That's another thing, I'm very guarded. I have a wall up and its very rare I put down my wall for people. I mean even Chris had to over come my wall. After I had Jordan I changed and I became guarded of my son and myself. It didn't help dealing with the wives who give military wives a bad name. 

Also I have panic attacks. These were rare in the past but have over time become more common. I hate making phone calls, and it takes me along time to be able to call even a friend. There are still family members I panic over calling and I end up sending emails or just not calling. Again this makes me look like a flake but I really am not, at least in the whole shy/phone call aspect of things.  I know there is medicine out there to help with these but I hate taking medicine, it takes a very painful headache for me to even consider popping a Tylenol. 

What else can I say about myself. I think I am a nice person. I try to be at least. I try not to gossip or create drama, that is all apart of my past. If I do gossip usually its only to two people, my mom or my husband. These are the two people I can tell anything too. I trust them and go to them for advice. My husband tells me I am to nice. To the point that I let people walk all over me. I am working on that. I am trying to build a back bone and speak my mind more. I used to always worry what others thought about me, now I am caring less and less when it comes to certain people. I hate confrontation. 

I know, I sound like a wimp, and maybe I am. I have been through allot, though that is one thing I wont go into on here, but it changed me and made me more cautious. I do think I have changed for the better though, even when I need to work on being more aggressive and not so passive. 

I cry now more than I ever did. Over the stupidest things. A song, a commercial, a movie or TV show. I blame the kids, they make you soft. 

My biggest fear is losing my kids or my husband. I would do anything for them. I cant imagine them not in my life. Having a husband in the military its hard when he leaves and I know there is a chance he may not come home. Granted everyday you risk something horrible happening, but its hard to kiss my husband goodbye and pray he comes home to me safe and sound. 

I got a college degree in Medical coding and billing. I don't remember why I went into that field but I kicked ass in it. I graduated with honors and was always on the deans list and had an almost perfect GPA (it would have been perfect but I did not always have the views needed for my law and ethics class, guess that's what you get when you have an old bat who believes you should not have kids unless you are married, but that is another story) I loved College, and if I had the time, or money I would so go back, though this time for a degree I want to pursue, though I still don't know what that is.

I am a night owl. I could stay up all night and sleep all day, though I don't because that would not make for a very good wife or mom now would it? I am also the worlds lightest sleeper and wake up at the drop of a hat. I have to sleep in total darkness, and I have to sleep facing the door, on my side, thank goodness my husband could care less what side of the bed he sleeps on because otherwise we might have problems. I blame my sister for this. When I was a small child she would tell me horror stories and have me watch scary movies when she babysat that left me sleeping the way I do now. The only difference from then and now is I no longer sleep with the covers wrapped around my head so only my nose and eyes peak out. 

So yeah, there is a small insight into me, I know its not allot, but its a start. 

Some of this and that

Why do people feel the need to go out in their PJ bottoms? No, I'm not talking about sweats but actual PJ bottoms. Today while I was at the store I saw not one, but three people in PJ bottoms, one was in her Christmas ones, and one that I noticed was wearing the slippers to go with it.

Now I get it if your sick and at the store to get medicine, but these women were shopping, and one even had a fake crown on her head, hair all disheveled. So I'm really hoping she out on a dare, otherwise someone should nominate her for an episode of "what not to wear" now I apologize if your one of those people who does indeed go out to the mall or grocery store in PJ bottoms, but that is not something I would ever do, not unless I had nothing else to wear and even then Id wait for clean clothing. Maybe I am a snob but I just think its odd.

On a totally different note I watched two episodes on the Discovery Channel "I was bitten"
oh my God, I spent half the time shivering and covering my eyes. There was one story about a boy who was bitten by a bot fly and eventually the larva that was laid turned into maggots and they showed him pulling the maggot like bugs out of these big holes in his legs. All I have to say is yuck! I can watch scary movies and not have nightmares but all night long I had freaky dreams about bugs in my skin. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

And lastly, as I jump from topic to topic which are not related to each other I have decided to look for a wig for Hannah. Now originally I would not care if she did not care about her lack of hair but she is upset by it and wants to comb her hair, and put it up in pony tails. It really breaks my heart to see how sad she is by her lack of hair and so I searched the web for wigs for kids and found a few that are cute, expensive, but cute. So now I am looking to take a trip to Seattle where they sell the wigs I found online to try them on and see if Hannah will indeed wear it and to make sure it looks cute and real on her and not totally funny. If it makes her happy I will happily spend the $150-250 dollars to give her hair. The things we will do for our kids.

So that's it, well not really, I could keep jumping around with many more topics, but the dog of mine smells like wet dog and its driving me nuts so I am going to attempt to bath my 75 pound dog by myself and hope she smells better, wish me luck, she usually wins when its her against me in the bath category.

Where is my pot of gold?

2 nights at the Great Wolf Lodge will cost us more than 4 nights at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. I know its a indoor water park where admission is included in the cost of the rooms but still that seems high. I have heard great things about the place and have wanted to go since they opened the one within an hour and a half drive from us, but lack of funds and a certain some bodys schedule makes that hard. Maybe this would be a good idea next year to mark Jordan's 11th Birthday since it obviously wont be happening if we do our Vegas trip any time soon, and as of right now I am not putting off my Vegas trip. Its kind of like the honeymoon we never had, well we had a honeymoon but it did not involve really going anywhere but driving 3 hours north to Duluth.

I need to start playing the lottery and win, because this being on a budget thing sucks. Pinching Penny's and saving and all that is not fun, but I know I am not alone in this boat, and its part of life.

Broken record

I am not original when it comes to naming a title for my blog, I can usually write something but when I have to name it my mind goes blank so forgive me, now onto my post.

I am going to take the chance and sound like a broken record and talk about how very much I miss Georgia. I miss it so very much that I dream about it. Silly huh? there was a time shortly after we moved to GA where I felt the same about MN but GA became my home. I grew to love the smaller town feel with cute little shops along the river and the fishing boats that lined the docks. I missed getting fudge or Ice cream and strolling over to the small park on at the riverfront park and letting the kids play. I miss the little houses turned into shops. I miss the warm weather and the mostly sunny days and when it did rain it usually brought with it thunder and lighting and here, a place I have lived for a year and a half I see lots and lots of rain, but I don't recall hearing thunder or seeing lighting and I miss my thunderstorms. I miss sitting on the patio swing in the back yard watching the kids jumping on the trampoline and going to the base pool which was outside and had a water slide that Jordan loved. I miss riding our bikes on the trails and going to the best Japanese steakhouse down the street where we knew the guys who prepared the food and always made us laugh and we could never get enough. I miss taking weekend trips to Savannah or Jacksonville, going to St. Augustine and seeing all the sights or hitting up the outlet malls. I miss the small but nice zoo and the flea markets and going to the beaches. I miss watching the subs come in or go out with the kids when daddy left or came home and feeling such pride and joy.I miss packing up the kids and driving to Orlando or Cocoa Beach for a long weekend. I miss my freckles which I used to hate and have since practically disappeared altogether living here. I felt happier there, had more energy and I felt like I did allot more. I grew to love that small town, and the areas around it. I developed a small southern accent and loved the kids doctor who was the sweetest lady ever. It had history all around the town, and I just really felt comfortable there.

I know, your probably thinking a place is what you make of it, and that I need to try harder to see the charm of living here, and there are bright spots, but not many, and trust me I have tried. Maybe its the fact Chris is never home, or I don't have the group of friends I had in GA or the support of a wives group I was involved with like I was in GA but I have tried. Really, I have. Its still a small town, compared too Seattle, it has a mall, and many places to eat. It has stores and the bases, however I feel like the town is crowded, like when people try to cram to much in one area. The roads sometimes make no sense, people are in much more of a hurry and much ruder and mean here than in GA and the rain, and the constant dampness is depressing. For things to really do you have to be willing to drive or spend money, mostly both, and then yes, its great. I love taking the Ferry to Seattle. I love the ride in itself. I love Seattle, there is tons to do, and Pikes place is a favorite of mine. I want to go to Leavenworth and see the shops, I want to hike through Olympic National park or go over to First beach or any beach on the Pacific ocean for that matter. I want to see Mt. St. Helen's and go skiing in the winter at the many ski slops. It is beautiful here, its so green and when its not foggy you can see mountains almost everywhere you look. I do like the fishing and crabbing and if we had a boat and my husband was here more I probably could learn to like it here, but Its not GA, and its not for me, unfortunately I have no say in where we live, and because my husband had to extend here to line up the orders he wants we will be here for almost another 2 years. 

I pray his orders do come through and am excited with any prospects that could take us away from here, DC being the first choice and 99% a sure thing, even with the winters I am excited about, because of the history and the area, I love DC, even though I have only been once. If that falls through I am hoping for GA or Hawaii, both will have my sunshine, beaches and my old freckles back(though I really do dread the idea of moving again)

I promise I am trying to like it here, so please, no lectures, and though it really is not that bad and I think if we were on the other side of the sound I would love it here but we are not, anyway my main point is its not GA. 

See, broken record.

Thanks Marcoda

What are your middle names?

Amber and Michael

How Long Have you been together?

Which time. We have dated like 3 times, the third leading into marriage. We have been married for almost 7 years, and dated for a total of almost a year in a half Id say between all the times we dated. Its complicated, trust me.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

Chris and I met when I was 14, we did not start dating the first time till I was 16 or 17 (I forget) We were friends for awhile.

Who asked whom out?

Chris asked me out, over and over and over and over for weeks on end until I finally said yes. I will admit that I had a boyfriend at the time (I know, shame on me) which was the main reasons for all the "no's" and Chris knew this, he also at the time was so not my type at all, we were great friends, but I never saw myself dating him, and now we are married with kids and I could not imagine being with anyone else. Sappy, I know, but true.

How old are each of you?

He is 29, I am 27 (He just turned 29, and I will turn 28 in a few months)

Whose siblings do you see the most?

Well, thats a hard one since we live in Washington and all our siblings live elsewhere. Plus with Chris's schedule its hard to get home and when we do it just varies on season and other peoples schedules with who we see the most. I think we see everyone about the same for those 2 weeks we usually get to MN.

Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

The military issue. I am proud of my husband and we will more than likely choose to stay in but its hard. We have spent more time apart than together, he is always on deployments or travel and its a strain. We make it work, but sometimes I want to throw up my hands and scream and say "enough, lets get out, buy a house we can live at for longer than 3 years and be near our families" there are times I want him home. When the kids are sick, of for holidays. Thats part of being a military family though, feeling like a single mom allot of the time. Going months without seeing or talking to your spouse and dealing with things while he is gone.

Did you go to the same school?

Nope. We went to totally different schools, though his was basically down the street from mine.

Are you from the same hometown?

Yep.

Who is smarter?

Well I am going to look at this two ways. In math he is by far way smarter than me and I am thankful Jordan takes after his dad in that aspect. Where I am smarter in most other aspects, except science, However overall, Id say he is, and I am not just saying this because his mom told him he was stupid growing up but because he has to learn and retain allot of information in the military and he knows allot of things I could not begin to comprehend because of that (not like I am allowed to know) Im not saying I am dumb, just that I think his life experiences have made him smarter.

Who is the most sensitive?

Me. Hands down. Im working on that though and I think I have gotten a great deal better than I was. 

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We don't eat out often. We usually do take out twice a month and sit down maybe once a month if not every other month. Quiznos and Arbys are the two places we eat at most for fast food and Famous Dave's for sit down (Thats Chris's favorite place and seeing as he spends allot of time eating yucky boat food I let him pick)

Where is the furthest you have ever traveled together as a couple?

When we moved from GA to WA, not granted that was a military move, but its the farthest we have traveled, otherwise from WA to MN when we go home to visit.

Who has the Craziest Exes?

Luckily for us neither has a crazy ex, at least not that we know of. Though his ex did become a step cousin when her mom married his uncle and that can be kind of awkward but there are no crazy exes. 

Who has the worst temper?

That used to be me. I was the one with the temper and Chris was the mellow never seemed bothered by anything type, and somewhere I pretty much lost my temper (for the most part) and he got one, I blame the military on that one, but I understand why, now he is the one with the worst tempter.

Who does the cooking?

I do. Chris cant cook worth a darn, his parents never taught him, in fact I don't think they ever really cooked and had a sit down dinner much growing up so homemade food was a foreign concept to him. I actually love cooking, though Id be much happier if I could add things or make things my husband hates, he really is the pickiest eater I have ever met. I mean the guy hates all seafood, steak, most veggies, sour cream, mayo, pork, trust me the list goes on. 

Who is the neat freak?

I am. This is the one thing that can get me super pissy, super fast. I can accept a small mess, but when the house becomes cluttered and gets to a certain point, well beware.

Who is more stubborn?

Chris. Oh my god, that one is all Chris, I used to be stubborn, but there is no room for two stubborn people in this relationship. I have stories that would have you laughing your ass off.

Who hogs the bed?

Let me put it this way. We had to buy a king sized bed so Chris would stop pushing me out of the queen like he tended to do. I sleep on the very side of the bed all curled up and rarely move. He flops around and tosses and turns ALLOT! 

Who wakes up earlier?

He does. He has to be at work way early plus the commute so he is often out of the house by 6AM. On the days he can sleep in however I am the one who often gets up first because of the kids and I try to be nice and let him sleep in since he does not get that often.

Where was your first date?

Ha, I remember it very clearly. We went to see Titanic shortly after it came out, we had to sit way up front and off to the side and when we left our necks hurt from looking up. 

Who is more jealous?

I don't think either of us are jealous, not really that I see anyways.

How long did it take you to get serious?

We did not get serious until the part two of our relationship, and in the end we still broke up over a huge misunderstanding. As for Part three that lead to marriage, well we got back together on New Years Eve, were engaged by Valentines day and married on Fourth of July. 

Who eats more?

Chris. I actually save money when he is gone because I don't have to keep all the foods he eats when he is here. I am a nibbler usually.

Who does the laundry?

Again, this would be me. I do most cleaning, dishes, cooking and laundry. I am the stay at home one so I get this, plus no offense to my husband he sucks at allot of the house hold chores and the few times he has done laundry he has shrunk things (including the one time he tried to be nice and wash my brand new tops all which needed to be washed on delicate in hot water and than dried them on heavy duty and they all shrunk, he felt so bad) so yeah, I do the laundry and because of it I often get right after we crawl into bed "honey, I forgot my uniforms for work need to be washed" 

Who is better with the computer?

Considering my husband used to build his own computers with parts Id have to say he is. I can use one, but he knows the most about them. He is very computer smart.

Who drives when you are together?

My husband has driven through New York City and LA at rush hour, plus many other cities and there for he does, because he can handle the stress of the road much better that I can. Plus I hate to drive, and I do mean Hate. I didn't in GA but here and in the bigger cities I turn into a nervous wreck.

Me verses the laptop

Why did I buy my husband a new laptop? For the last few days Chris has done nothing but play on his laptop. I know its new, and its a mac book and he has never had a mac book except when I let him use mine, so for him to get his dream computer after a few months of pouting over wanting one I know he cant help himself and I should have expected this, but still, I want attention!

I keep rubbing it in his face that he could of had an apple computer much sooner but at one point he thought they were evil, and so only 2 years ago when he bought a new laptop he refused to even look at them. Then I went out and bought one and he fell in love with it, see, he should just learn to except that I am always right and apples are very cool and neat. Not that his old laptop was not, its just for what we like Apples honestly are better suited for us. So now he has one too.

Its really my fault. I was the one that said "fine, buy one" if I had not of opened my big mouth Id be getting all sorts of time with my husband, but just like with the kids I feel the need to spoil Chris as well, plus I feel like he deserves it for all he does and how much he is gone. So while we were at Best buy picking out a new digital camera to replace the old one which might I add was only a year old we wondered over to the Apples and Chris spent a good thirty minutes playing with them, talking to the sales guy and than pouting and finally I said the magic words "fine, if you want it buy it" I think I surprised him seeing as that's a fairly big purchase for a spur of the moment thing we really did not need and he looked at me like I was setting him up or it was a trick. Finally after 10 minutes of me reassuring him its not a trick and the salesman saying they only had one left of the model Chris wanted he agreed, and purchased his brand new prize. 

And now I am lonely and neglected and sitting here next to my husband both of us on our macs while Hannah sits between us watching her cartoons as we share a bag of pretzel goldfish crackers, but hey at least this way we are semi doing things together and we do talk while we play. Not the ideas I had in mind for today, but its working and its kind of nice, and lazy, especially for the very icky day outside because its snowing. I was so done with the snow and starting to enjoy the more sunnier skies and warmer weather. Summer cannot come fast enough. 

I am off to take a shower, usually that is enough to make my husband stop what he is doing and join me. Ha, even his new computer cant compete with that! Or I hope not, this might be the one time I am wrong. We shall see, but its worth a try.