I was telling my sister about how people make rude comments and complete strangers ask about my daughter not having hair. Usually I just smile and tell them she does not have cancer, and that she so far is fine according to doctors and it is just taking forever to come in. She told me that when people come up and ask "oh, does your daughter have cancer" to make a comment that will make them fill small and stupid, but I'm not like that, I cant think in a seconds notice a snappy snide comment. She can, but then again she has been put in a situation more times then I can count where she needs a snappy snide comment to put people in their place. See my sister is going blind, and people at her work make comments all the time about her eye sight. Not that I should be saying this, she is a to her self and would be upset if she found out I mentioned it. I wish I was more like her, but I'm not. When people make stupid comments or rude remarks or stick their noses where they do not belong I just ignore it, or walk away. I think that is something for me to work on.
Chris as we speak is on his way to L.A. Is it wrong of me to be jealous of my husband. I guess its he gets to travel all over the place. He has been to FL, and CT. He is going to LA and probably soon Texas. I know its for work, and I know he would rather be with me and the kids then away again for schools and training but he gets to see the world and I don't, not to the extent he is. I know this is stupid of me to even feel this way, but Id love to be able to say "oh yeah, Ive been there" I know as the years go on, and especially when Chris retires at 40 (yes, if he stays in the military till he retires he will only be 40, Ill be 39 and our kids will be in college) then we can travel and see places together, but I just am kind of envious of him. I know he probably fills the same way about me. Wishing he could stay at home with the kids. Playing with them and watching them grow. Its funny how that works, the whole the grass always seems greener on the other side.
This Saturday I'm traveling to South Dakota to spread my dads ashes. Three years ago on the fourth of July (also Chris and mine anniversary) we flew home because my dad was in critical condition and had a 1% chance of surviving. We thought it was the end and we were coming home to say goodbye and have a funeral. However my dad pulled threw, only to die a few months later. Its been two years of hanging on to his ashes, trying to find the perfect place to spread them and find a time I could come back to MN so my sister and I could spread them. We decided on a lake where he grew up. It is a place that has the most memories and a place where my aunt and uncle had their ashes spread and his cousin had drown (who was also his best friend) Its going to be hard, just me and my sister. Apart of me doesn't want to spread the ashes because it will seem so final, but another part of me knows it will be closure. Chris wont be here, which makes it harder. I was lucky to have him here when my dad went into the hospital and even luckier when my dad did pass to lean on, but I wish I could have him here for this. Ive dealt with many times where he has been deployed or away with work and you would think Id be used to doing things myself but its never easy doing things like this. All I know is its going to be a hard weekend.
Speaking of times my husband and I have been apart, this anniversary (our 6Th) was hard. I knew it would be, but I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was. We had gone up north with my parents and there was a point where my step dad and step brother had taken the boys out on the lake to watch fireworks and there was a spot from my parents place you could see them so I picked up Hannah and we walked down the road to a clearing in the trees to seem them better. Its the first time Hannah has seen fireworks that she has had a reaction. She loved it. The smile on her face, the awe in her eyes. fireworks is an anniversary thing, so its special to Chris and me. So for me to watch them without him was hard, and it was even harder to see Hannah's reaction and her looking so damn cute and know that he was missing out on that moment with her and of course to make things harder Hannah turns to me and says "Mommy, I miss daddy, I want to go home" (and by home she meant to WA) I almost lost it, tears swelled up into my eyes and all I wanted was to pack up and head to where my husband was. Missing him will never get easier, and Aug. 13 will not come soon enough (when we arrive back in GA and he gets back from training)
On a more happy note, for me at least I found out American Girl is coming to the Mall of America. I was happy to hear this since Hannah loves American girl. It wont open till November but at least when we come to visit next time (God knows when that will be though) we can take Hannah who will be so excited.
1 comment:
Man, you've got some hard times and suckiness going on right now, don't you? I'm whining about my husband being gone for four days. I couldn't imagine if he was in the military and gone all the time. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I was actually thinking about you and him a few days ago while I was stuck in traffic. I hadn't known he passed. My thoughts are with you and your sister.
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