Last week was a very bad week, and this week isn't looking awhole hell of allot better. Its that domino affect, where you feel that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. I know everyone has those days, weeks and even months, its apart of life, but what about when you just want to throw up your hands and scream "just give me a break already?" if only it were that simple. The worst part is I want to vent, I need to vent and yet I cant vent, not yet anyway..soon though I will vent and you will be poured upon with my emotions.
There are things I can tell you though, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood, today was yet again one of those days where I wanted to throw my hands up and scream. I was reminded for the tenth million time how lonely being a military wife can be. Its odd but hes not deployed and yet I rarely see him. I get the long hours, I get the never seeing each other, but it never makes it easier to feel like sometimes you are a single mom. Like today, when Chris kissed me goodbye while I was asleep. I went threw the normal routines of the day, and then 6pm came and went, then 7 and then 8pm when my kids were telling me they were starved and I made dinner and we ate, then I saved the leftovers for Chris when he gets home and put the kids to bed. By the time 10pm rolled around I knew my husband probably wouldn't be coming home at sure enough at 11 I got the call saying work was busy and he had to stay the night. Its hard because even phone calls don't come often between them trying to get stuff done. Usually the rule is if he isn't home by 7pm we eat without him, but tonight I couldn't help but hope he would come home. I obviously don't blame him, its his job and I support him and his job, but it never means its easy.
Its only going to get worse before it gets better, I know this one for sure. I look at what it was like when he was on a trident and how he had a set schedule. When he had weekends off at least half the year, was home every night half the year, was home at decent hours half the year. On a trident there are two crews, so when the other crew is gone it means a normal life for the crew that stays behind. Currently Chris is on a fast attack and there is only one crew. So once every so many nights he stays on board, even if its a holiday or a birthday he is at work. The long hours year round and never a set schedule, things change at the drop of a hat and its not uncommon for Chris to come home and say "sweet were leaving soon" without warning of this upcoming deployment. You cant plan anything and its hard. It does show me how amazing my husband is. The hard, long hours he puts it, the crap he deals with, the missing time with us and yet when he is here even when he is exhausted he tries his hardest to be there for us. Did I say how proud I was off him?
But anyway I'm done talking about work stuff, well my husbands work stuff. Lets hope for a few good days shall we? Though I can tell you they will be very busy days even if they are good. Between doctor appointments, meeting with teachers, getting new tires on the van, running many errands and making lots of phone calls this week will fly on by with a very tired me by days end. I am so used to being busy that at moments like this, when I stop and sit I am fidgeting and moving around in my seat. Chris comments that even when I'm talking on the phone I don't sit still but rather pace back and forth.
On a bright note, well for me at least, soon I will be able to write from my bed, or anywhere I want on my very own laptop. Yes, we have laptops. Two in fact, though one needs a new battery cord because a certain dog of ours decided it would be a good idea to chew threw it. The other laptop is Chris's and though I can borrow it, I don't. So I'm excited!!! Ive wanted my own laptop, one I picked out by myself that is strictly for me. Now I'm just waiting for it to be delivered because Apple offered a military discount online and it was cheaper to buy it there then at best buy (the closest retailer to sell them) Though I now have buyers remorse for spending that much money. Hell, for that much money Chris and I could have went to Vegas, or I could have put it towards a vehicle, but as I said Ive wanted this forever and each and every time we have the money I spend it on the kids, or Chris. So Ill have to get over my buyers remorse and enjoy my new little toy.
Sorry, had to add the bright information of news to offset all the bad news going on around me, and no, I still wont tell you what that is. You will just have to wait and see.
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