Monday, March 30, 2009

A risk I am willing to take

OK, so if I tell you something you have to promise to not laugh at me, or make fun of me or go crazy on yelling at me for what you might consider stupid.

I have thought about this for awhile, years in fact. My husband is against it, though I am not sure why since I think most men would not mind. See I want to get a boob job. I hate being small and tops not fitting like they should because I have nothing to fill them out. Its depressing and I have had lots of friends who now have had it done and what can I say I am jealous but no that is not the reason I want to get them done, I want to do it for me. I want to look in the mirror and feel better about myself and the way I look. I know that may sound shallow and such but its what I want.

As I said my husband is against it. I always tease that when he is out to sea I will just go and have it done, I wouldn't however go threw with it because I want his there if I do. See I have this problem with bleeding, I tend to bleed allot in surgery or when I have babies and this can be a problem and my husbands fear is there will be a complication and either I will bleed to death or my body will reject the foreign objects that now make up my boobs basically.

I will give you an example of how badly I want this done. I hate having surgery, I hate being put under. It gives me huge anxiety and I always fear I wont wake up, and yet I am willing to go through all this and the pain and recovery that comes with the operation. 

I know the risks, I do. Like I said its something I have been wanting and debating and researching for some time, now however I am ready to take it to the next step and actually (maybe) consult someone or a few someones. I need to look up good surgeons in the area and talk to them about my concerns, get price quotes and so on so I am better prepared. I also need to see about what insurance covers. I know that the surgery itself is on me, but I'm talking about if there are complications. If I start to bleed and need to be hospitalized or my body rejects them later on will my insurance cover breast implant related problems. I know some insurances do and others don't. 

I think once I take the next step I might be better prepared to make a decision about what I want to do and then I can either start to save money or disregard the idea all together, and of course there is the obstacle of my husband. If he is highly against this I wont do it, but I would like him if I do decide to do this to get on board with me and be supportive as I know he will be a key player in my recovery time. 

As I said you can think I am shallow or dumb, but its what I want and I had to get my feelings out there because sometimes it just helps to write things down, and no, I wont be going really big just more natural looking and normal because right now anything above an A cup would be great.

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